How to support someone with ADHD who doesn’t yet know their needs
Many people with late-identified ADHD have spent years trying to fit in, often without even realising it. When you’ve been masking and people-pleasing for so long, it can take time to understand what truly helps you thrive and to (re)connect with your own preferences, challenges and strengths.
All while navigating a workplace that probably wasn’t designed with their neurotype in mind.
If you’re a manager, leader or HR professional, there’s no one-size-fits-all solution. And supporting someone in this position doesn’t start with the answers – it starts with a conversation.
With time, compassion and curiosity, you can help create space for clarity to emerge.
Here are four practical steps you can take.
Step One: Create safe, reflective spaces
Building trust is the foundation.
Have regular 1:1 conversations that are for – and about – them.
Create a space that feels:
- Safe – free from judgement or pressure
- Curious – focused on listening, not fixing
- Exploratory – helping someone figure out what works for them
This isn’t a one-off chat.
It’s a gentle, ongoing process that helps someone understand themselves over time.
Step Two: Encourage gentle tracking
Self-awareness doesn’t come all at once – especially when someone is unlearning and relearning what supports them.
Journalling or simple reflection can be a powerful. It doesn’t have to be fancy: a quick voice note or a few daily bullet points works just as well.
Encourage tracking of:
- What gives them energy
- What drains their energy
- Moments where friction or barriers show up
- Times they felt proud
The method doesn’t matter — the pattern does.
Little reflections build a big picture over time
Step Three: Spot patterns together
Over time, these small reflections start to reveal patterns, and patterns create insight.
This stage is often where lightbulbs happen:
“Oh… this always drains me.”
“I didn’t realise how much better I work when…”
You’re helping someone build a clearer picture of what they need to thrive. These insights can guide conversations around adjustments, working styles and practical support.
Step Four: Keep the conversation going
Needs aren’t fixed – they evolve.
What worked a year ago might not work today. That’s why regular check-ins matter.
- Needs evolve
- Adjustments shift
- Situations change
Keep co-creating support together. It’s a conversation, not a checkbox.
Neuroinclusive support isn’t static; it grows and adapts as someone builds confidence and self-understanding.
Why this matters
When organisations wait for a neurodivergent colleague to work everything out on their own, a few predictable outcomes tend to appear and none of them are good for the individual, the team or the organisation.
Wellbeing declines
Without psychological safety or support, people often push themselves harder to keep up or mask their struggles.
This increases stress, self-doubt and emotional fatigue – all of which take a toll on mental health.
Productivity is impacted
When someone doesn’t yet know what helps them thrive, they can’t access their strengths consistently.
Simple adjustments or clearer communication – things that could unlock huge value – stay undiscovered.
Burnout risk rises
Masking, compensating and overworking to hide difficulties is exhausting.
Many ADHDers burn out not because of their neurotype, but because of the conditions they’re working in.
Talent gets lost
When support depends entirely on the individual initiating a difficult conversation, many won’t – especially if trust isn’t established yet.
This is how organisations unintentionally lose brilliant people who never got the chance to thrive.
Culture suffers
Teams notice when someone is struggling without support.
Psychological safety decreases, frustration increases and managers feel under-equipped – all of which erode trust and inclusion.
Supporting someone early isn’t nice to have.
It’s a strategic investment in wellbeing, performance and retention.
The goal isn’t perfection, it’s partnership.
You don’t need to diagnose, solve or assume.
You just need to stay curious, supportive and open.
Neuroinclusion works best when people feel safe enough to explore what helps them thrive and when leaders create the conditions that make that possible.
What’s one thing you could try?
If you’re a manager or HR professional, consider:
- Could I make space for a reflective conversation this month?
- Is there a simple tracking tool or prompt I could suggest?
- Am I creating a climate where needs can evolve without judgement?
Small shifts can make a huge difference.